Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize