she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
