it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's never too late to be topless.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
