Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
