Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
dude. I can hear the air.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
