He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
