And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
