I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
