I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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