you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
