You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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