Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
