I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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