God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Drake has all the answers
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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