My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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