You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think your dad took our porno
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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