Someone shit on the floor
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
