Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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