I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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