I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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