I can tuck mytits in my pants
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
God, I missed his penis.
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