Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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