when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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