If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
i drank out of a bidet.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
