she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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