the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
