You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
