Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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