i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
