the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
