do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
