He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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