Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
splinters make it hard to masturbate
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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