If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
