Tell her she can't have a vagina
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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