I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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