I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize