i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
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