girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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