I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
