What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
