We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
