I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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