I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize