Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
