i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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