Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize