how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
