How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
did i walk over a car last night?
We had to coat check the pizza.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize