you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
