sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
