pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
