I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I didn't notice because vodka
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
