3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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