I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
