my phone needs a breathalizer
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize