I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
