You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
