The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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