can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
