ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
