Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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