honey bunches of taint.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
