i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I wish they made helmets for livers.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
