I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
