so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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