Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
