i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
