i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
