I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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