he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
