There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize