i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
