If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
