wakey wakey hands off snakey
4 words: hood of his car
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
