plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
