I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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