A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
