this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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