you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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