the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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