I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
