Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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