i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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