Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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