Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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