I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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