Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize