Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
