Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
