I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
