I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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