Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
