EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
