I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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