I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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