As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
