You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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