It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
