I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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