I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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