Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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