STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
