So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
