Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
what day is it and did you see me today?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
